Kris' Blogorama

"Just take it bird by bird..."

I started reading a cool book that my hubby got me for my bday. Its a book described as "some instructions on writing and life".

I love it.

He got it for me bc he is always encouraging me to write.

I always find TIMING an interesting thing. A few days ago I was challenged to write down some BIG things in my life that only God could take credit for...I mean, BIG. So, one of them was "succinct direction when it comes to my writing". I've always been a writer...open a Bible, blog, book, study, or the 100s of filled journals I have and you'll see...I like to write. I always have. Its how I have gotten thru stuff...its how I think. Blogging came naturally to me...I think in blogs. Truly. In fact, I have decided that is why I have an affinity to David in the Bible. He was a blogger. The Psalms are his journals...his blogs...his inside perspectives - flawed and ugly at times - put out on paper.

I feel like its something I'm supposed to do. Not sure of anything beyond that. And so, back to this book. I started reading it immediately - bc I felt like, "if I'm going to pray for direction and then receive a book about writing...then, I should pay attention."

And, I was immediately hooked. I loved the reason she chose the title:

"Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he'd had three months to write. [It] was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother's shoulder, and said, 'Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.'"

Bird by bird.

Life can be so overwhelming. The day-to-day can so easily swallow us up. The small stuff can steal from our joy...can take away our "bigger" perspective. So many times I've felt like her brother sitting at the table. But, its as though I was reminded that I have a Father whispering to me to just remember: "bird by bird". And so I ask, what are the "birds" I let bog me down...keep me from those BIG purposes I know He has intended for me? 

I'm not a New Year's Resolution gal, but I do want to ask God (and listen for His replies that come in all sorts of ways...maybe like getting a new book to inspire me...) to keep my focus where it should be.

Good stuff.

Who knows, more blogs for 2010 may be on the horizon.

when I cant take credit

So today - I was just sitting here reading - with the purdy Christmas tree to my left, snow expected today, listening to Mason Jennings sing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", with the background hum of Madden '10 and various Barbie pretend-play going on. Yes, I know - perfect, right? 

Perfect is how it seems...for right now.

I'm struck this year by the reality of all the suffering and crazy unanswered Qs that so many of us are walking thru right now. It breaks my heart...truly. So as I read this today, I thought I had to share - bc you may be one of the ones who is confused or suffering...or, you may not be. But one thing I can promise, you WILL be. We all will be. A smooth life of perfection is not attainable...not here anyway. 

One thing I've hung on to I heard in a Bible study this summer was this: "I want to live a life that people watching would say, 'OK, that could ONLY be God'". I love that. I've lived thru more than my share of the "not so perfect life situations" and emerged thinking that very thought myself - "that couldve ONLY been God". But have I truly lived like I believe it WAS God? Or, did I emerge from the fog of pain and give myself the credit? And so today I read this same thought:

When have you accomplished things in your own strength and taken all the credit while forgetting about God? When have you accomplished things that seemed big and impossible, knowing you did so only because God intervened?

Do I stop and give God a shout out for the rescue that He's performed in my life time and again? Or, do I beg for Him when I'm in the pit...and then once He's lifted me out, I give myself a pat on the back for my fabulous recovery?

I read thru Judges 7:1-7 today. Its the story of Gideon and how God kept reducing his armies so that they couldnt take all the credit when God won the battle for them. God was looking for an "It-could-only-be-God" moment. He took out all the reinforcements to show His strength...and His control.

It got me thinkin. When He allows MY reinforcements to be removed, do I pout or do I trust Him more?

No comment.

I'm at a place right now in life that - I'll be honest - there are several nooks-n-crannies where I feel like my reinforcement troops have been removed. Its not perfectly comfy on all sides for me right now - like my lil picture of today looks. And yet, I claim to trust in a God who knows the details. So...am I buckling up and waiting for the moment that He gets all the kudos for the rescue/fixes? Hmmm.

I want to be.

So many of us are hurting. So many of us are angry or dont see WHY the heck God is allowing some of the stuff that He's allowing. Well, maybe He's removing some reinforcements. Maybe He's letting our facades of perfection weaken just enough...for Him to show thru.

I dunno. And I certainly dont have it all figured out, but I'll tell you this - I'm going to be "watching for God's incredible--and at times subtle--intervention". And, I intend to get out of the way and thank Him...I dont want to miss it.

Merry Christmas friends.

9 words

I read this today - wow. Take a sec and read it. What do those 9 words mean to u?

Stuff Christians Like

Jesus loves the cute Christmas cards best

Er, uh...well, I sure hope not.

We LOVE getting Christmas cards...in fact, Maya begs me daily to let her to open all Christmas cards we get in the mail! Seeing friends that I've known forever...and some new ones share their families and stories of the year is about my fav thing ever. Man we love them. And, usually I love creating them and writing the dreadfully detailed letter-o-info that I include in ours every year. But this year...well, I just dont have it in me. I wasnt sure WHY. I just couldnt get "there".

So, I tried to pray about it..."God, this seems like the dumbest thing YET I've prayed for direction on...I mean, seriously...a Christmas card?" It seems like my card-procedure has evolved into THIS (disclaimer: please dont be offended if your card-prep-procedure mirrors this one...just giggle a bit at the craziness of it all):

1. Secure fantastic photog (read: really good w/photoshop to make our eyes look like diamonds and make my hair seem thick and luxurious - OH and make us appear happy/perfect/reverent/joyful all at the same time)
   
2. Take fantastic photos w/fantastic photog at some fantastic outdoor location with some super cute matching - or, if I can manage it - just COORDINATING outfits (note: all must seem effortless...it should appear as though Maya ALWAYS wears big hair bows and Braeden always wears non-athletic wear when we take family walks in the woods...on a bridge...by a creek...in the woods)
   
3. Write check for sitting fee (read: time that will be spent photoshopping) to fantastic photog
   
4. Write another check when I see amazing pix and order 250 for cards ("wow...I didnt know I had eyes that green? Oh wait...I dont...ahhhh, the greatness of photoshop again...")
   
5. Come up with witty, yet reverent pre-printed phrase for my card to truly reflect how much we love Jesus and how witty we are (read: I am)
   
6. Sign all cards (yes, I'm old school - I sign them and dont rely on pre-printed name - I'm sure Jesus likes that, too)
   
7. Buy 350 stamps (tip: always assume you'll get about 100 returned due to wrong address and have to resend...always)
   
8. Sit up until 2a writing witty Christmas letter...not too long...not too short...wondering if anyone really, really cares that Braeden lost a tooth and Maya still loves American Girl dolls (except grandparents, of course - they care about that stuff).
   
9. Send out cards a batch at a time (of course, gotta do the reciprocal send-out - make sure you've ordered extras for those new friends that you werent sure if you were at the "Christmas card level" with yet...so exciting when you've been added to someone's list!)
   
10. Try to be done by Dec 24th...try really hard to be

Y'all...FOR REAL. I'm being open/honest here. Maybe you're not like me (liar), but this year I just didnt have it in me. Maybe it was that I felt like its been a "heavy" year in many ways...too much loss...too much illness...to much discord...too many questions. Its just been a weird year is all.

But as God and I talked this one over, we agreed that it wasnt that the year was any different but maybe our (my fam) focus needed to be a little different this year. I'm not saying YOURS does (please keep sending us cards...you'll break Maya's heart if we dont get any bc of my blogging!!). But for the Murphys we decided that this year our Christmas card will look a little different.

We wont be sending them out.

Instead we've calculated the estimated cost of Christmas carding and are choosing to put that $ somewhere God can use it...to celebrate Jesus that way. So many people have touched us this year...have inspired us. As a family, we decided who we'd "honor" this year with a donation in their name to bring clean water to Africa.

That's our card, gang. A picture that cant be improved on with even the slickest of photoshopping skills...an opportunity to try to teach our kiddos something different than we may have in the past (trust me, I'm sure I've grown horns and a tail if any sticky fingers got near my precious about-to-be-sent Christmas cards in years past). Its just our deal.

I dont know what God's put on your heart this year, but a wise woman reminded me recently that your Christmas doesnt always have to look the same just because "thats the way we've always done it". Is there something that you might need to change this year? Is there something you are a slave to that is not bringing glory to God, but rather, stealing the joy of what we're supposed to be celebrating? I dunno...just sayin...

And hey, if you decide that you'd like to join us in gifting some water to some kids who need it, click on the link and donate. If you do - or decide to donate to some other charity - let me know...I'd love to hear how God is prompting you this Christmas and I'd love to get the chance to share w/my kiddos how God can use even our lil idea to further His plans.

Its easy to rush thru this time of year, gang...let's stop and take it in...

Merry Christmas from the Murphys

wilderness or prison or fleas...u pick

Themes are constant in my life...are they in yours? Some say God is silent these days; I disagree - He's pretty vocal and evident at times when I choose to focus and see what He's showing me. Right now, I've been thinking about the dark, dreary place that is - TURNING 40. Ha, I kid, I kid. But seriously, lots of stuff is getting me down these days...as I'm sure it does for many around this time of year. I find myself doing lots of asking of God...asking for Him to clarify or guide in some "gray areas". And - wouldnt you know it - He starts throwing stuff at me that reminds me that I just might be right where He wants me (even if its not right where I want me).

#1

I've been having trouble sleeping lately...weird for me...and last night I watched The Count of Monte Cristo. Great movie. Something dawned on me as I watched this guy rot in prison...he lost hope. He lost faith. He got mad. He recognized that he was just building rage and revenge in his soul. The other old-prisoner-guy said to him that maybe that was right where God wanted him...in rage and revenge. How can that BE? Well, as I watched I realized this: if it werent for the revenge, he'd have lost that will to live. He'd have succumbed and ultimately died. 

#2

And so - as I tried to sleep after that movie I just kept letting my mind creep back to a discussion I had with my hubby the other day after the funeral of a young father...a death that made no sense to those he left behind. I remember thinking that we cant know/understand WHY, but we can trust that He's in charge w/o knowing the details. And then, I remembered the fleas from Corrie Ten Boom's book The Hiding Place. How can being overcome w/fleas in a concentration camp make ANY SENSE on ANY LEVEL? Well...they did. They do. Fleas make sense when God's using them for His stuff. They cant possibly make sense to us. Which brings me to #3...

#3

Today I read this on my fav blog. Its a question and then David Crowder answers it...I love his answer.

"How do you deal with it when you don’t feel particularly close to God, or even are mad at Him, and you have to play a concert?"

David Crowder: I kick Him in the shins then run! (Also, there’s this: There have been times when I have felt like I’m in the wilderness, you know, on my own, in a desert-like environment, isolated, desolate, abandoned in a godforsaken wilderness with cacti, well, no cacti, but still the desert metaphor works in communicating the bleakness I have felt on occasion. A good friend of mine pointed out that it was none-other-than God Himself that lead His people into the wilderness from time to time, which could in turn mean that when you feel you’ve been deserted, you may be exactly where He wants you. He may have even had a hand in bringing you to that point. This has brought a small amount of comfort in those times.) But I do find the kicking of shins to be therapeutic.

~~~

"God Himself lead His people into the wilderness from time to time, which could in turn mean that when you feel you've been deserted, you may be exactly where He wants you." So true.

Ya know, there is no verse in the Bible that says, "everything I allow will make sense and you will love it all - I PROMISE". If it did, I guess there'd be no need for faith...trust. So, I'll keep thinking on these themes He's tossing my way. Wherever I find myself...good to remember, that despite the craziness of it or the unclearness of it, He knows where I am. And, He's there with me, too.

Would there be a good enough answer to "why"?

Today I got some news that breaks my heart in half...for those left behind, they will be left broken. The kind of news that makes you alternate btw mad and sad. The kind of news that makes you want to scream "WHY?"

I've screamed it a few times, myself in my life. And ya know, as I look back at those times its as though I have a Voice reminding me, "yea, Kris, but if I did tell you WHY, would it ever be good enough?".

No. There is no good answer to "why" when we are in the thick of it.

And so, I have to believe in a place where I never need "why"s and a place that it all makes sense. A place where when I get there I'll be able to say..."Ohhhhhhhh, NOWWWWWW I get it". I often imagine those who've gone before me trying to holler out to me, "Trust me...the 'why' IS worth it once you get here...you'll see...just wait!" That brings me comfort. They get it...they know the "why" already and are just waiting on me to get there and celebrate w/them.

For those of us left here, there is no good answer to "why". So, we have to ache and wait...and hopefully grow in a way only God can see. I have to know that He can use this part of life just as much as He uses to other parts...if we let Him. Praying today for a sweet family who are in that "why"...and praying for the rest of those God is sending to stand in the gap for them.

Going to hug my people now...and live in the right now.

THINK

So I don't think there are prouder moments for me than when I get a chance to see them choose to be more than silly kids - and truly "think big thoughts".

Today Maya announced that our family should each have "thinks" that we try to think about all day. She proudly instructed us to write our thinks on the white board and focus on it all day.

These are my proudest moments. The times when I get to thank God for what He is leading them toward. Big thoughts.

Do we think big enough?

light and shadow

Whew.

What a week. It was not an easy one...and I know it wont be the last time I have a "not easy one". Its funny, I was overwhelmed with peace thru the whole kid-in-the-hospital-with-mysterious-infection-thing. I dont know why...wait, I do...

I've been thinking a lot about some great words from a great man. My friend Don Brown said to me once, "faith is remembering". (He also said lots of other things like "dont be a vienna sausage" and "silly rabbit, roads are for vans", too - but I digress)

Faith is remembering.

How true is that for me/you? In the midst of the inevitable shadows of life, do I remember where He's brought me? Do I rest in that? Or do I panic...do I fuss bc my circumstances are not what I have planned out?

We got home from the hospital late friday. And so, yesterday was spent doing 10,000 loads of laundry and learning how to live at home again...getting back to life. As I was doing some cleaning out I came across a letter from a 15 year old kid that I had to stop and read...

"...no one can see the real me because I'm always faking a happy face...I'm hurting so bad I feel empty inside. I feel like I'm not even really alive - living but just here."

My first thought was - "ah man...the pain that poor kid was in". She didnt see the "out" - she only saw how to live in the mess and just survive. I wish I could tell her - "dont be afraid...you'll make it thru this darkness and when you do, you'll remember - you'll never forget - where you came from".

Remembering. Remembering that when you're kid is sick and you cant understand the "why" - you can remember that He'll never leave. Remembering that even in the darkest night that you could imagine - when you're 15 even - that you are never forsaken...no matter how alone you feel. And, if you trust Him...if you let Him get you on the other side of it, you'll remember.

Faith is remembering. I never want to forget. And yea...that 15 year old was me.

When I ran today, a DCB song came on that I hit repeat about 20 times...it was exactly where I am right today. Coincidence? Nah...I know those dont exist.

Shadows

Life is full of light and shadow
O the joy and O the sorrow
O the sorrow

And yet will He bring
Dark to light
And yet will He bring
Day from night

When shadows fall on us
We will not fear
We will remember

When darkness falls on us
We will not fear
We will remember

When all seems lost
When we're thrown and we're tossed
We remember the cost
We rest in Him
Shadow of the cross

can u change?

Wondering today as I ran - is it possible to change? I mean - for realz. Change. Not just adjust, but change something so completely that someone might notice...or circumstances might change in your life.
Well, I've decided that YES change can occur...we arent set in our ways bc "thats just the way I am" or "well, my mom was like that so I'll be like that too" or "this must just be the way God wants me to be...I mean why else would He make me this way?".

A year ago I was all shingled up and ended up on all sorts of gross meds for about 6 months. Cause of my virus?

Stress. Hmmm. Well. OK.

Bottom line, things had to change...and they continue to change - slowly and at times a bit painfully. But I will say this, if it were up to ME, I'd probably be right back to where I was - I have a tendency to return to things that are comfortable and that I feel like I can control. Ya know, change can be like putting shoes on the wrong feet...feels so much better to go back to what we know.

But, God shook my world a bit and I decided that I was done trying to be the I-can-fix-everyone-girl, the I-need-to-make-you-happy-girl, the I'm-always-available-girl, or even the I-want-everyone-to-approve/like-me-girl. I figured out that things were going to get even uglier if I continued to serve everyone else in this world and not stop and ask Who I should really serve (and no, I dont mean Brent...although he might disagree). 

So...can we change? Well, I'm trying...and I'm seeing some things happen. Here's the deal tho, it's not all on me...I cant do it alone. I have to ask/beg for God to be at the center of all this. The second I feel chaos, I know that I've dropped the ball and gone back to MY way. When there's peace - its usually Him and not me. Comfortable peace? Not always. Thats fo sho. But, He never ever said "in this world, things will be easy and comfy..." - did He?

So, I'll never quit hoping that He can continue to change me...or that He can change others who need/want to change, too. But for this formerly shingly, over-pleasing, over-yessing, over-worried girl, I'll take shoes on the wrong feet anyday...I dont want to go backward.

~

Some stuff that is changing for me...how I train for running/triathlon, how I pray for others, what I tell, what I choose to know, how I spend my time, how I am a friend, who I commit to, who I allow in, what I obligate myself to do, what I care about, how I love others, where I spend my time, how I prioritize, Who's opinion I seek 1st...

snippits from a 5 miler

Its funny. When I run, I am talking/thinking/praying/blogging like mad. I thought today - people who are driving by have NO idea what is running thru this crazy brain of mine. And so...I thought it'd be funny to note some of the things runnin thru my earphoned head for your enjoyment...I know, I'm a little crazy...I know.

1. Its cold...and that Barney song is in my head "its c-c-cold burr, I wish I had fur, I wish I was a bear w/furry furry hair, its cold!" (now I snicker to myself)
2. 3 footfalls where I hit ball of foot on crack in a row...must even it out...OK, now right foot hits 3 times and then hits on the heel...ah man, must even it out
3. someone is doing the laundry
4. I GET TO. I GET TO. I GET TO. Thank You Lord that I can and I get to...strike words "HAVE TO" from my brain/vocabulary
5. these lyrics on iPod:
   they will see us waving from such great heights
   "come down now" they'll say
   but everything looks perfect from far away
   "come down now" but we'll stay
6. muddy sidewalks...muddy shoes...ew
7. I'm hot...this run is awesome (rolling up sleeves)
8. walk at the top - walk at the top - walk at the top - walk at the top
9. THE TOP. THE TOP. Dont walk - dont walk - dont walk
10. Asking God to check in on some people that keep crossing my mind: friend w/hubby on his way to war, friend w/medical worries, family w/weight of the world, and it goes on...
11. I GET TO. I GET TO. I GET TO.
12. Asking God what song is coming next?
13. He throws this one out there on my iPod: You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my joy
14. How do people still smoke? Stinky suburban just drove by
15. Maya is worried about word problems at school - Lord, give her some confidence
16. I love talking to my bro Steve on the phone
17. OUCH - stitch in my shoulder
18. Can I get discernment in the good times as well as the bad times? I dont want to just ask for direction when I'm struggling. Thanks God that I get to run and think
19. I love these shoes
20. They are muddy now, tho
21. I GET TO. I GET TO. I GET TO.
22. A good story is when a character has to overcome great struggles to achieve something. Do I have a good story? Day to day?
23. I love squashing acorns
24. More lyrics on the iPod, wow love these:
    Like a breath of fresh air and the wind at my back
    Toe to heel with strong strides taking miles off the map
    In this journey called life where Ive walked so far
    Under the heat of your sun and the shine of your stars

Funny right? And so, next time you are driving past some goofball running down the sidewalk, remember you never ever know what is REALLY going on in that head of hers. I love the run. I love it.