unfinished

So...I spent the day on the couch feeling sorry for my sick-self. I'm not very sick...more than likely a cold (no swine here, folks - relax) - but none-the-less I've had a down day and spent lots of it thinking about stuff.

Just got a new album on iTunes - Brandon Heath bc I love a song called "Wait and See". I was listening to it today as I thought thru some stuff on my drive to school. Ya see, life has this way of reminding me of times/places that I've messed up. Its as tho - just when I feel like I'm on the right track in my judgements/priorities/decisions - someone sits on my shoulder and reminds me of all the times I let my emotions run my words/actions/etc. Ah man, there are so many times I look back and think, "can I EVER undo that?"

Judgements on people. Words that indict others. Jumping onboard a ship of fools - only to realize that I wasnt really supposed to be sailing onboard anything that I didnt let God drive. (did I go too far on that analogy?) Maybe I'm talking in circles...but, for me, I just really caught myself in a place where I felt like..."whew...I'm glad He's not finished with me yet".

I'm unfinished. That's SO true.

Something this year has really taught me was this: perfection should never be my goal - godliness should. Sounds contradictory eh? Well...for me, its not. Here's why - I can NEVER be perfect (I hear all of my people saying "amen" to that as they know TOO well that I'm FAR from perfect, right??). I waste my energy trying. I waste my time rehashing past mistakes. I waste God's purpose for why I AM here by going back in time and camping out in all of my failures.

Instead of seeking to undo the mess-ups (however, dont get me wrong - consequences to mistakes are NECESSARY and so is seeking forgiveness, etc.), I need to focus on letting God shape my messy lump of a life into something that in the end He can mold and use. I see 'godliness' as a 'process of finishing' me. By trying to be who He wants me to be - in spite of my many screwups - I give Him the lead. I give Him to opportunity to use my mess toward His finished product...a life well-lived that reflects something of Him to everyone else.

Today I was overwhelmed with memories of bad advice and judgements I've made in the past. My first thought was to bow out..."I can have NO impact here bc of all my past mistakes". But then I heard these words of this song...

There is hope for me yet
Because God won’t forget
All the plans he’s made for me
I have to wait and see
He’s not finished with me yet

Still wondering why I’m here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He’s up to something
And the farther on I go
I’ve seen enough to know
That I’m, not here for nothing
He’s up to something

It's never too late. I don't have to get it all right to be useful to Him. He puts people/situations in my life for reasons. No coincidences here. So, if that's true, I have to remember not to be defeated in my failures. "There is hope for me yet." I'm unfinshed...but I want to be on my way to being finished.

"So whether you eat, drink, or whatever you do (or however badly you failed in the past), do it all for the glory of God." 1st Corintians 10:31 (italics added by me)

Comments

[Brenda]

Hi, I found your blog from Kristin Armstrong's mile marker. I'm really enjoying reading your posts and I'm excited to see that we have many similar interests: music, running, our faith, dogs, etc. I'm glad to have found a new fun blog to read. :)