Ok...so, I'm reading a great book that talks about all those "subtle sins" that we commit daily but then rationalize that OUR sins arent as big as those BIGGIES that others commit. You know - the "I'm not committing murder so I'm not that bad" attitude? Surely God sees that, right? Uh...bad news...sin BE sin and its a hard pill to swallow.
Point...I'm identifying w/WAY too much of this book. Those subtle sins that I rationalize...the ones that I decide arent quite so ugly...are a real plague that we miss. Today I read about selfishness. Think you're not selfish and you can just skip this blog??
Well...uh...think again.
He breaks it out into a few different types of selfishness (interests, time, inconsiderateness, money) - all of which, when I get HONEST w/myself I am totally guilty of. But as the day went on I did what the author suggests...he says, "ask God to shine a light on the subtle sins you are committing...it wont be what you think it will be...He'll surprise you with what He's offended by." Hmmmm. Cant be good...
So, I did...and will do. He's funny, that Father of ours. The things I cherry-pick as my 'bad stuff' arent necessarily what He'll have me focus on. Today, I realized that I am repeatedly selfish with my time/energy/attitude w/my kids this summer. When did that happen? When did keeping orderly house and getting my to-do list done trump going to the neighborhood pool and eating popcycles? When did I start harping on them more than teaching them? I dunno...He does. Ouch. I heard something at Bible study this week that reminded me (again) where my treasure is...and where I seem to get "off". Beth Moore (in video lecture) said roughly, "why do we cry w/compassion at commercials about people we'll never meet but are short-fused and irritable with the most precious people on this earth to us??"
Selfishness.
I know there is a time/place for obedience and responsibility, but my issue here is more w/my attitude. An attitude completely focused on me and my agenda. Ouchy.
As I'm thinking thru this I'm overwhelmed with throbbing pain for a dear mother I know as she sits beside her precious angel (Jozie) who is in the hospital today...facing uncertainty. It makes my stomach ache...can I really be a person who is so selfish that I am missing the gifts God gave me to acheive what I decide is important?? If Katie were here in the middle of my day, would her priorities be different? I think so. God knows my heart...He knows my motives and my attitudes.
So, as I type, I will continue to beg Him to direct my heart...I wanna want what He wants. If I seek Him and His plan, I cant go wrong...Lord save me from myself...and God, be present to Katie and sweet Jozie today.
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