this day

This day 24 years ago...was a bad one.

This day is always a dreaded one...a day that I count down to, and then sigh heavily when it is gone. I'm sure most of us have these days. But this year, it feels different...this year I'm remembering that this day was only that - ONE DAY. One moment. One choice. One mistake. This day does not define me...this day does not define my family...it does not defiine my dad.

This day is a part of me...one stone in my cairn, if you will, but it was a day fully intended to occur by a God who loves me. Its as though He whispers in my ear on this day, "Yes I let it happen...but..." I see something new every year...a new "but" every single year. This year I got to talk to my bro in Colorado - the same place I was at 24 years ago on this day - and he showed me more beauty that came from the ashes of this day. There are so many things He shows me...I hang on to them like treasures.

I wonder at times how I made it thru...this far...24 years later. And then, I remember again that Whisper in my ear. This day is bigger than me...or my preferences for a pain-free life. For me, this year, I'm trying to see it as a 'marker' of a different sort. Its proof...proof of a loving God, who in spite of this world's pains/troubles, will never leave me and never forsake me. And He never has. Not even on this day.

Twenty four years may seem like an eternity to you, to me, it feels/tastes/smells/looks like yesterday. But this year, I'm remembering that it was only ONE DAY.

"Still wondering why I’m here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He’s up to something
And the farther on I go
I’ve seen enough to know
That I’m, not here for nothing
He’s up to something"

Comments

[Dana McBee]

Kris

Your blog has given me a lot to think about. I am coming up on my first marker of the "dreaded day". It has been consuming my thoughts and my heart. I have already seen the beauty God has brought out of all this pain but for some reason I still focus on The Day!

For the next 30 days I am going to try and focus on the beauty He intended and how much He loves me.

Dana M.

[Lynn Dickerson]

Kris
Not sure why I came to your blog today but am glad I did. I appreciated your post about June 19 and it being just a day. I hope to get to that place someday with July 29. In the meantime, it looms large and takes up a lot of room in my psyche.
I'm glad your faith is so strong and your journey so rich. You are inspirational.

Recently I was hiking in Yosemite on a trail that wasn't well marked, and it was still snowy, and I came up on some cairns. I like your life metaphor using the cairn.

xo
ld