Wondering today as I ran - is it possible to change? I mean - for realz. Change. Not just adjust, but change something so completely that someone might notice...or circumstances might change in your life.
Well, I've decided that YES change can occur...we arent set in our ways bc "thats just the way I am" or "well, my mom was like that so I'll be like that too" or "this must just be the way God wants me to be...I mean why else would He make me this way?".
A year ago I was all shingled up and ended up on all sorts of gross meds for about 6 months. Cause of my virus?
Stress. Hmmm. Well. OK.
Bottom line, things had to change...and they continue to change - slowly and at times a bit painfully. But I will say this, if it were up to ME, I'd probably be right back to where I was - I have a tendency to return to things that are comfortable and that I feel like I can control. Ya know, change can be like putting shoes on the wrong feet...feels so much better to go back to what we know.
But, God shook my world a bit and I decided that I was done trying to be the I-can-fix-everyone-girl, the I-need-to-make-you-happy-girl, the I'm-always-available-girl, or even the I-want-everyone-to-approve/like-me-girl. I figured out that things were going to get even uglier if I continued to serve everyone else in this world and not stop and ask Who I should really serve (and no, I dont mean Brent...although he might disagree).
So...can we change? Well, I'm trying...and I'm seeing some things happen. Here's the deal tho, it's not all on me...I cant do it alone. I have to ask/beg for God to be at the center of all this. The second I feel chaos, I know that I've dropped the ball and gone back to MY way. When there's peace - its usually Him and not me. Comfortable peace? Not always. Thats fo sho. But, He never ever said "in this world, things will be easy and comfy..." - did He?
So, I'll never quit hoping that He can continue to change me...or that He can change others who need/want to change, too. But for this formerly shingly, over-pleasing, over-yessing, over-worried girl, I'll take shoes on the wrong feet anyday...I dont want to go backward.
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Some stuff that is changing for me...how I train for running/triathlon, how I pray for others, what I tell, what I choose to know, how I spend my time, how I am a friend, who I commit to, who I allow in, what I obligate myself to do, what I care about, how I love others, where I spend my time, how I prioritize, Who's opinion I seek 1st...
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