Kris' Blogorama

cardboard testimony

I mentioned not too long ago that our church did a cardboard testimony-thing and I was asked to get in on it. Hmmmm, I wasnt too sure about this. Its like standing up there naked in front of 100s of people. Not pretty.

Well, I'll tell ya...it was one of the coolest moments in my life...a chance to walk the walk that I try to talk. A chance to let my life speak for itself. A chance to remind others - and myself - that when the unimaginable happens in this life, He never leaves...He never ever leaves. In fact, if you are looking closely, He's taking care of you...like He did for me. Not in the way that you might expect, but He promises He'll never leave us. I'm a perfect example of that. He took care of me in 100s of ways, but when I thought of doing this thing, one way came to mind. The coolest moment in my life where He reminded me that He was there with me...when I was leaving Frontier Ranch and all my friends were waiting to hug me as I left early after Dad died. And, one person stood out...one person who was "that new guy" and I'd only formally met him earlier that day. Why was THAT guy there to hug me? Hmmm. Weird.

Well, now I know. Its because I have a God who loves me more than I could ever put words on. He loves me enough to give me hope and a future.

So, if you want, take 10 minutes and see what God can/does do in lives when we open our eyes to see Him there all along. He may not stop the bad junk in life all the time, but sometimes those bad things end up being the biggest example of the greatest love there is. 

Cardboard Testimonies (oh, mine is about 6 minutes in or so)

God sandwich

I do love me a sandwich.

Funny thing...on Sunday I was STRUCK by how God brings things to be and then if we are trying to see them, its like He gives us a lil clue of what He was thinking just then. I like that part of Him, you know...the tricky/sneaky/deep part. Let me 'splain...

We arrived for church Sunday - packed house bc it was the 10:15 service and we usually do the later one for that very reason - the 1st song was going and we were a lil late. I saw a sweet new friend that I've been getting to know recently...a friend who I'd say I know only well enough to say that she makes me laugh and I love talking to her when I get the chance. We sneaked in past them and LO AND BEHOLD (yes..."lo") on the other side of me was Dan and his gorgeous (inside and out) wife Violet. Dan, ya see, was the beloved hubby of my bff Kim whom I lost to cancer 10 years ago. Sigh. Ten years.

Loved our seats this packed Sunday...between 2 great chapters of my life that I cherish. (And of course my hubby was with me...rounding out the perfect sandwich - a secret sauce if you will) And then my new friend reached over and said, "I have to talk to you sometime soon. I heard about your cardboard testimony last week and...well...we have the same testimony." (note: more on this in another blog...for now, you can hear the sermon "overcomers" on the website...video will be there soon I'm told) Ya see, her daddy died the same way mine did. She was in my life for purpose...maybe comfort for me, maybe for her, but definitely not a coincidence. "Wow" was about all I could say...we promised to talk soon and she gave me a knowing look that reminded me that I'm not alone in this life of hard stuff.

Then, as we were praying, it struck me - on my left was my past, but He was still using it and walking thru it with me. On my right was my past, but the past that was my turning point in my faith...going thru cancer and then death with Kim was the 'changer' for my life. It was the turn in my life where I let God take my mess and turn it in His direction.

A God sandwich...right there on Sunday morning.

I dont believe in coincidences. I dont think in that church of 100s of folks we just HAPPENED to sit there. He was telling me something pretty cool...and I was listening. (that last part is rare, I assure u)

Dont miss those God sandwiches...I just picture Him up there goin..."Awwww c'mon Kris, dont ya see it? Cant ya see it? Quit focusing on yourself and stuff that doesnt really matter. I'm trying to tell you something here...just see it. I never left you then...or then...and I wont now."

Whew. I think I got it.

I love sandwiches.

this day

This day 24 years ago...was a bad one.

This day is always a dreaded one...a day that I count down to, and then sigh heavily when it is gone. I'm sure most of us have these days. But this year, it feels different...this year I'm remembering that this day was only that - ONE DAY. One moment. One choice. One mistake. This day does not define me...this day does not define my family...it does not defiine my dad.

This day is a part of me...one stone in my cairn, if you will, but it was a day fully intended to occur by a God who loves me. Its as though He whispers in my ear on this day, "Yes I let it happen...but..." I see something new every year...a new "but" every single year. This year I got to talk to my bro in Colorado - the same place I was at 24 years ago on this day - and he showed me more beauty that came from the ashes of this day. There are so many things He shows me...I hang on to them like treasures.

I wonder at times how I made it thru...this far...24 years later. And then, I remember again that Whisper in my ear. This day is bigger than me...or my preferences for a pain-free life. For me, this year, I'm trying to see it as a 'marker' of a different sort. Its proof...proof of a loving God, who in spite of this world's pains/troubles, will never leave me and never forsake me. And He never has. Not even on this day.

Twenty four years may seem like an eternity to you, to me, it feels/tastes/smells/looks like yesterday. But this year, I'm remembering that it was only ONE DAY.

"Still wondering why I’m here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He’s up to something
And the farther on I go
I’ve seen enough to know
That I’m, not here for nothing
He’s up to something"

friday felicities

(Does anyone have the FF jpg - Stacey? Dana? AJ? I cant find it on my well organized hard drive)

OK...been blog-neglectful lately...I've been wavering btw the "my life is so funny and this is why" blog and the "here's some greatness that God's teaching me - all serious-like" blog in my head. Not sure what to share, but know that - every bike...every run...every moment of quiet, I'm blogging in my head to you all. If only I could think-type...hmmmm, there's a thought.

Anyway, for Friday - here's a random list of 5 things I wanted to tell and didnt during all of my mind-blogging.

1) Brent is now mountain bike freako-crazy. He did an xterra event last month and is now hooked...I fear that the regular tri is in danger of being knocked out by his xterra love. Did you see THIS? Its my early 15 year anniversary present from my romantic husband. Yes, its NOT a bike. Yes, its a bike FRAME. And...well...yes, in my world, it IS romantic. We live 1 mile from the coolest MB trail in North Texas and I've been wanting to get a MB for ages. He's going to build it up and we'll have another way to spend our dates together. He's nuts, but I'll keep him, I guess.

2) The new Mat Kearney cd is out and is amazing...I have a bit of a fixation on this guy/his music. Brent understands...really. His lyrics are deep and I'm deep...no really, I am. Truly, I love his stuff - its my fav right now. I quote him often on this blog.

3) I'm asking God to help me seek "excellence and NOT perfection". I'll never acheive perfection and it was never His plan for me to be perfect...there was only One who was perfect. So, in everything I'm asking Him to re-direct my goals and thinking...its crazy how good God is.

4) I've been reading the craziest book that may cause many to think I've gone off the deep end. I'm now practicing barefoot running in my backyard and on the search to find a women's size 8.5 pair of Nike Free's to try out. I may be a convert...but, the guy set out to answer this Q: "why does my foot hurt?" and found so much more. Me loves this book.

5) I'm learning some good and ugly stuff about sin. We sin in thought, deed, motive, and word. Its not just action-seen-by-others, gang. Also, I'm learning that sin is malignent and WILL always metastasize to things around it. Our sin does not ONLY affect us, its the most contagious, sticky, awful mess that gets all over everyone around us when we do it. Its never, ever contained. Think about that. Ew. But there IS good news, we can overcome it...not on our own, but by trusting/relying on God. It can seem like a mountain that is unscaleable, but He's the gondola up, baby...truly (wow, that was almost poetic). I live it...I'm a sticky mess, but there is hope...

Happy friday to you all...off to run...and then dance recital rehearsal for Maya...and then flag football game for Braeden...and then...and then...life is good, eh?

friday felicities

Been awhile, but thought I'd give it a go and see if I remember how to do this...

Five things I do truly love right now...

1) This blog - anytime someone signs off with "Razzle Dazzle, Side Hugs and old school Leg Drops" - I know its a read for ME. Great stuff...really funny, but profound at the same time. Check it out.

2) The genius idea of using different journals for different things...whoa...that's revolutionary, eh? Currently have one going for medical notes, one for quiet time/prayer stuffstuff, one for specific prayer EXPERIMENT I'm working on (hmmm, that might be a blog of its own), and one for all the Bible study ideas that swarm in my mind. Just got these wittle-bittle ones that I love.

3) My favorite Christmas present...ever. Well, maybe not EVER, but still. I especially love the picture of relaxeddude enjoying his jams. It keeps me happy all day - music all day - is there anything sweeter?

4) Getting good news from sweet friends...on a day that seems to be overwhelmed with bad news.

5) Today's My Utmost for His Highest message. Sigh.

Here's to "a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering"...love u all

today is hard - but good

Today is a hard day. We ALL have them. Sometimes its hard to remember that we ALL have them bc we are ALL too focused on our own hard days. Am I right? 

I'm an over-do-er. I do too much. I say yes too much. I say no at the wrong times and hurt friends' that matter because I've over-yes-ed everywhere else. God wants me to change...I just know it. I want to change. 

Today was hard because I had to come face to face with me without God...with the me who tries to handle life on her own. The me who tries  to have it all figured out, ordered, neat, and situated. The "appearance me". I havent been letting Him lead. 

He's working on me. No doubt. He doesnt care for the "appearance me". Me neither. Can anyone relate? Do you put up a facade that isnt faking God out? God doesnt get faked out by my facebook status or my ability to make people laugh in the school workroom. He knows the deep dark ugly stuff...stuff that aches. 

I'm 2 months and 11 days into the biggest test He's thrown my way in years. Its not just a nasty rash and stabbing pain anymore. There are after-shocks that I cant expect anyone to understand. Not even me, at times. Yes - there's still pain...and meds to ease off of...and tiredness...and wondering when/if it'll come back to get me. But, the test is ongoing in ways I never imagined. Today, I feel like I'm failing. 

No pity for me...no worries...its actually a great day. Only because - I am coming to terms with the fact that I cannot do this alone. The reason I'm still HERE and have a leg to stand on after some of the junk I've walked thru in life is only because of a God who is walking thru it with me. And now...He's asking again for me to keep walking thru, but to give up the control. (how often does He have to ask? sheesh!)  

Its been a hard day (large Diet Coke is already empty and I have puffy eyes from crying to my peeps on the phone) - but a great day. He is walking with me. He's pruning me. He's leading me - if I'll follow and quit trying to walk in front of Him. 

Sorry if this sounds cliche to you...or trite. To me, its pivotal. I'm not sure what you guys are walking thru...just like only God really knows where I am. Even a fast typing speed and a willingness to blog cant express where I am. But, I do know I'm not alone. He promises that. Maybe I needed to type that today for someone else to read...maybe just for me. Either way. I am glad. 

I want to finish this race strong...I can.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

humbled

OK! So technically its already Saturday, but to me, its still Friday. 

Humbled. Tonite I am. I'm so thankful for the life I have. 

Tonight I got to enjoy a hilarious, fun time with all my new church pals and the girls I love the most (a few were missing, but still). Wow. I am blessed. Sometimes when I get to know such awesome friends I wonder if I can keep it in the 'honeymoon stage' where they dont see all of my flaws and weaknesses. But then, as I was reminded tonight by a WISE FRIEND (and our speaker as well!) to "be real" in my day to day walk. Life's too short to fake it...how often do I answer "FINE" to the question we all ask each other, when really I'm aching inside? Be real. He's dropped these amazing people in my life to be my backbone...my lifeline...my strength. I need to be real - even when that looks really ugly and very very less-than-perfect. 

I was overwhelmed tonite thinking about that. And as I looked around the room at all the women in there - all walking thru their own "shingles" in one way or another, I just felt humbled. Thankful. Even my mommy and sister were there. Thank You Lord. 

On my way home I heard one of my favorite songs - "I want to be light"...thats what I want. I can with the help of the friends/family He's given me. Even with all my messes and scars and weaknesses...I can be. 

Humbled. 

stars - david crowder band

and how could such a king
shine His light on me
and make everything beautiful
and i wanna shine
i wanna be light
i wanna tell you it'll be alright
and i wanna shine and i wanna fly
just to tell you now
it'll be alright, it'll be alright
it'll be alright.

cus i got nothing of my own to give to you
but this light that shines on me shines on you
and makes everything beautiful, again.
it'll be alright, it'll be alright.

keepin up with the JOHNSONS

Day 2 - trying to blog every day...

The other day - the ULTIMATE joiner, FACEBOOK - brought me back in touch with someone I knew in high school (shout out Leslie!). It got me thinkin'...who was I back then (I truly HATE thinkin' on that too long...if you've read this blog for long, you know that)? It got me wondering, for people who dont know me now - the NOW KRIS - what do they not know about me? I feel so comfy in who I am now...I look back then and see a struggling, pain-stricken, confused, dorky, rude, selfish kid searching. 

And so, as I was wrapping bacon around some dates stuffed with almonds (dont ask) I decided I'd introduce the 16 year old Kris (and anyone else who might be paying attention out there) to me now...the real me. 

1) He caught me. The Lord, that is. I accepted Christ as a freshman in high school but was floundering for so many years...searching for the path I needed to be on. Most of the time, I was WAY off in some field somewhere...nowhere close to where He wanted me. Well, He finally rescued me. I may have been a Young Life kid and 'knew' Christ as best I could, but living out my life and finally ASKING Him where He wanted me (not where I wanted me) was what changed the NOW KRIS. He caught me...I'm so glad He did.

2) I love this mommy gig. I was made for this. I never put much thought into it back then, truly. But after we had Braeden and decided I'd be tapering off work and staying home - it hit me, THIS is what I was MADE to do. I'm so thankful Brent agrees and that we can afford to make it work.

3) I'm an "over-yes-er" - and I'm trying to change that. I take on too much and regret it later. And, so does my sweet family. Argh...its a battle, but I'm getting better. 

4) I love living in my home town...I love when my worlds collide - Maya's dance, kiddos' school, YL from '88, my mom's friends, bible studies, etc. I dont think I've ever stopped to appreciate how cool it is that I can go to the grocery store and in one trip see a friend I just met and a friend who has known me for 25 years. Hmmm, that's cool.

5) I love clothes and all that that implies. OK...so that might be the same as 16 year old Kris, I suppose. 

6) I still love the coolest cat on this big bad earth...STILL...15 years married...20-something together. Huh...that's amazing. I dont stop often enough to appreciate that. Still love him so much it makes me grin.

7) I get a little sad when I think of a grocery store popping up on my mom's land.

8) I want to live every day with Brent's motto in mind (and I fail daily) - MTMOI. That is, "make the most of it". I try...because every day is a gift. Sound cliche, but so real and true. 

9) Music makes me happy, sad, passionate, introspective, prayerful...all that. It is so soulful to me. I guess it was then, too, really. I love thinking of my life in terms of 'soundtracks'. Funny. 

10) I still talk too much and need to listen more. Still. 

Well...that's what was on my mind. I must go back to stuffing dates. I said "dont ask". Day 2...this feels good. I hope you can stop and introduce your old self to your new self. I love my new self - I wish I could go back and tell her so many things, but I guess she had to live it out and learn it her way, right? 

testing...testing...is this thing on?

Well...

If there is anyone out there - still checkin in on me - I'm HERE. I've survived. But, apparently - feeling rather uninspired these days. So many days I've THOUGHT about blogging...and then, well, the computer is NOT where I want to be. 

The shingles thing is getting better...I'm at the end of week 6. Still on meds...still need them. But, I'm starting to feel like myself again. Thank You Lord.

As for the blogging...well, I'm hoping to be back soon. So, in the meantime...I'll leave you with this story of what my kids thought about the post-election night announcement.

It was Wed a.m. after the election. Our kids knew who we were voting for and when we tried to explain it to them (6 yrs and 9 yrs). So, I prepared this eloquent monologue to share w/them about how O's run will be making history...and something they'll tell their grandkids about...blah blah blah. As I launched into my speech, I saw the GLAZE-OVER in their eyes and stopped. I asked, "what do you guys think?" 

Maya (6) said: "Oh no! Now Obama is going to raise our taxes!!!" (with genuine worry and fright...but - I'm thinkin - not the foggiest idea of what that means)

Braeden (9) said: "Chessy really likes it when I scratch her on her chin." (Chessy is the dog, I'm sure you guessed)

I love my life. Shingles and all. I love every nook and cranny of it. Thanking Him today that I get to experience it from one extreme to the next. 

Wondering what He's going to do next,

kdm (aka, the RED RAIDER)

friday felicities

In spite of my sour mood today - it was great for me to stop/pray/think of 5 things I'm thankful for...

1) being home today...its been a crazy week

2) the smell of this candle...it makes me happy when my house smells like this

3) this dude's voice (particularly the song "late") and just having some great music filling my house

4) being 1st in line at carpool...I'm not sure I'll ever get used to BOTH kids being gone all day...by 2p, I cant wait to get there to pick them up

5) when God opens up opportunities...ones that only He could orchestrate